Friend Rivalry

This has been the summer of "winning". Libby has to be first up the stairs, first down the stairs, first out the door, etc... I am told to drive faster than the car next to us so we can win. Everything and everyone is now up for comparison and competition. At the beginning of the summer, I thought it was pretty funny. It seemed like all of her friends about the same age were very into it. However, as the summer has gone on, I realize she is now listening and paying much more attention than she ever has. Take for example her friend Lexa. They took swimming lessons together last winter. Eric would talk about how Lexa would dive in and do this and that while Libby was much more hesitant to try. It did not seem to bother Libby to hear this talk at all. Now, however, she is getting that in this regard, Lexa is "better" than her in the water. She has heard my concern that she is not as adventuresome. She has heard the praise Lexa gets because she is. She now does not want to do anything with Lexa that involves water. It made me think about the book I am reading, "Siblings without Rivalry". It made me realize we can create the same negative situations, not on purpose, but with our children and their friends, as we can between siblings. Once upon a time, we could talk freely about who did this and that and who was doing X first, etc...Little pitchers are now taking that information and computing it. It makes me realize that it is my responsibility to change how I talk not only in front of Libby, but at all times. I firmly believe that competition is a good thing, but not when it comes about in a negative package. I have to reframe how to encourage Libby to do something, without it being about someone else already doing it and the competition that I may actually be feeling myself to have her achieve something. It has been a summer of growing for both of us. Hopefully, I can take these lessons and use them in a good way with both her friends and her new little sister.